the childhood of a leader

" 'where i was seeking myself,' he thought, 'i could not find myself.' he had carried out, in good faith, a minute inventory of everything that he was. 'but if i were only to be what i am, i wouldn't be worth any more than that little yid.' if you rummaged around in those intimate mucous recesses, what could you ever discover if not for the sadness of the flesh, the foul lie of equality, disorder? 'first maxim,' said lucien, 'don't try to look into yourself; there can be no more dangerous mistake.' the real lucien - as he now knew - had to be sought in the eyes of others, "

- the childhood of a leader by jean-paul sartre