the insider

i took a hit when i knew that i shouldn't have. every ounce of logic i had told me that i shouldn't have gone for it but in my heart of hearts i knew i had to go for it. i had to do it just for the kicks. like a boy picking at his scabs even though his wound hasn't fully healed. now it's all back to square one. i destroyed the wall that i built to shield myself and now i'm hopelessly exposed. i let my guard down for those few moments and i felt alive. what's this i see? ah, a ray of hope! what else do i see? joy has tagged along too! Meursault has left the building my friends and he's not expected back for quite a while. i feel human for the moment. i am alive and it feels good. i'm just waiting for it all to come crashing back down again though. or maybe it won't happen this time? hah. a joke! any minute down and i'll start breaking in cold sweat. any minute now and my world will go dark again. any minute now and Meursault will come home. any minute now. any minute.



watch me fall.