a question mark

for those who know me well enough you'd know that i'm living a relatively unhealthy life. i'm not dependent on it but i can't find any reason to stop. everyone dies someday. why prolong the suffering? live for the day i say. thats what i tell myself but in the back of our heads we all know its not true. your perspective changes when you know that death is actually a reality. everytime i tell myself to stop something shitty comes up and i revert back to my old unhealthy ways. in a way it brings me comfort. helps me consolidate my thoughts on the above mentioned shitty situations. it could be a sign that i should just continue and hasten my death. who knows? i definitely don't.