thissuresucks

the last kiss

2008-06-18T06:03:00.001+08:00

i have to stop updating. for my own sanity. goodbye.

goodbye

2008-06-17T22:59:00.001+08:00

i wonder why people like to read stuff by someone who whines so much.

marching bands of manhattan

2008-06-16T00:01:00.002+08:00

i know you love this song. i also know you're never going to read this.

some simple rules

2008-06-15T18:27:00.001+08:00

"i don't want to be the guy with a lot of heart," he said. "i want to be the guy who's good at something."

under fire

2008-06-15T04:54:00.002+08:00

"now he only hopes for one thing: to sleep, so that this dreary day will expire, this nothing day, this day like so many to come which he will have to endure heroically, to get by, until he reaches the last day of the war, or of his life."

- under fire by henri barbusse

life sure as hell feels like a war to me.

river below

2008-06-15T03:53:00.001+08:00

such a horrible liar. can't pretend for nuts either. what a loser. honestly, this feel like shit.

ska sucks!

2008-06-15T02:48:00.003+08:00

and out of the blue, i'm overwhelmed by the urge to play ska on my guitar.

you are the only one

2008-06-14T05:08:00.000+08:00

woah. 'nuff said.

this is definitely not love

2008-06-14T02:52:00.002+08:00

i wish you'd get back to me soon. your silence is killing me. i want to take you out again. and hold your hand. and take long walks around nowhere. how did it come to this?

hail to the freaks

2008-06-14T01:37:00.001+08:00

pause at 2:37. now that's crowd surfing. wish i were there.

nothing going on

2008-06-13T17:17:00.001+08:00

die toten hosen.

under fire

2008-06-13T00:47:00.003+08:00

" "there's only one way to take things and that's as they come." "you bet, otherwise you go nuts. we're crazy enough as it is, don't you think Firmin?" ... "you musn't look too far ahead. you've got to live from day to day, or even hour by hour, if you can." ... clearly these men who, a year and a half ago, descended on this frontier from every part of the country, now have the same thoughts in their heads: giving up understanding, giving up being themselves, the hope of not dying and the struggle to live as best they can."

- under fire by henri barbusse

sony ericsson

2008-06-12T23:22:00.004+08:00

it's alright. you don't have to reply my messages. you don't even have to pretend that i exist. believe everyone else when they say that i can't feel. it's all cool.

eating cake

2008-06-12T02:03:00.002+08:00

i'm glad we've cleared things up. i'm ready to be human again. ready to care. who wants to be my friend?

under fire/alexithymia

2008-06-12T01:50:00.003+08:00

"he was trying to explain the magnificence of his ideas, but he did not know how to express himself, so he fell silent, alone with his inexpressible feelings, always alone in spite of himself."

- under fire by henri barbusse

perfect

2008-06-11T16:14:00.001+08:00

here we go again, coughing more blood again.

special needs

2008-06-11T00:47:00.001+08:00

remember me.

the river song

2008-06-08T14:53:00.002+08:00

anybody interested?

who cares

2008-06-08T14:47:00.000+08:00

drill champions. finally.

you've got red on you

2008-06-08T14:25:00.001+08:00

another movie to watch even if you don't have the time:

- shaun of the dead (2004)

i think i was trying to suggest something about the duality of man

2008-06-02T09:58:00.004+08:00

3 movies to watch even if you don't have the time:

1) fever pitch (2005)
2) about a boy (2002)
3) full metal jacket (1987)

i might be outdated, but hell, its still so much better than some narnia/sex and the city shit.

little superstar

2008-05-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

why am i even watching this?

back to the point

2008-05-25T01:11:00.003+08:00

"would i be better off pretending to be alright, or should i just forget about her?" he asks himself everyday. insanity looms yet again. conflict is borne and he's loving it.

us placers

2008-05-19T01:18:00.002+08:00

genius. now this is hip hop. child rebel soldier.

exile and the kingdom/the adulterous wife

2008-05-19T00:43:00.003+08:00

"the only joy he gave her was the knowledge that she was needed. he probably did not love her. love, even hatred, did not have this closed face. but what was its face? they made love at night, without seeing each other, groping in the dark. was there love other than one in darkness, a love that would cry out in broad daylight? she did not know, but she knew that Marcel needed her and that she needed this need, that she lived by it day and night, especially at night - each night when he did not want to be alone or grow old or die, with that stubborn expression he assumed and which she sometimes recognised on the faces of other men, the only common expression of those madmen who camouflaged themselves as rational beings until delirium caught them and threw them desperately at a woman's body to bury there, undriven by desire, what solitude and the night made them fear."

- the adulterous wife by albert camus

is this the point?

2008-05-18T03:38:00.002+08:00

"i love you," she said. "no you don't. but thanks for saying it. maybe we'll see each other around sometime." with that, he stepped out into the darkness and left.

she really meant it.

get to the point!

2008-05-18T01:48:00.003+08:00

the girl in the plaid shirt. i loved her but she doesn't know it. i wish she did though. or maybe not. i can't even make up my mind. what a loser.

superstar

2008-05-18T01:29:00.003+08:00

music.

the children's crusade

2008-05-18T00:50:00.002+08:00

read: slaughterhouse-five by kurt vonnegut

kill caustic

2008-05-16T23:47:00.001+08:00

"there's nothing going on between us," she said. "yea, i know", he replied.

there really isn't much of a link between these two guys (oh great now the title is longer than the entry)

2008-05-16T03:15:00.005+08:00

indiana jones > john rambo.

'nuff said.

fact of the day

2008-05-16T00:58:00.002+08:00

Tsar Bomba (Царь-бомба) is the Western name for the RDS-220 hydrogen bomb (codenamed "Иван" (Ivan) by its developers) — the largest, most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated. Developed by the Soviet Union, the bomb was originally designed to have a yield of about 100 megatons of TNT; however that was reduced by half in order to limit the amount of nuclear fallout that would result.

The Tsar Bomba was a three-stage hydrogen bomb with a yield of about 50 megatons.^[2] This is equivalent to ten times the amount of all the explosives used in World War II combined.^[3]

now you know.

bah...

2008-05-16T00:40:00.001+08:00

i caught a snake and tried to feed it a grasshopper. it didn't want to eat anything so i set it free.

so help me god

2008-05-15T23:59:00.005+08:00

i just got home after 2 weeks and i reek of alcohol. the tv is on but nobody's watching, everyone else is asleep. i desperately need to take a crap but i don't know why i'm still sitting in front of the computer, typing shit that nobody really needs to know. not that anyone cares anyway. brief but insightful moments in a soldier's life. i need to go.

that's what you get

2008-05-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

hayley = the bomb. 'nuff said.

the sorrows of young werther

2008-05-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

"that man's life is only a dream has occurred to many, and this feeling constantly accompanies me everywhere as well. when i observe the restrictions that lock up a person's active and probing powers, when i see how all activity is directed towards achieving the satisfaction of needs that in turn have no goal but to prolong our miserable existence, and that all reassurance about certain points of inquiry is only a dreaming resignation, since one paints with colourful figures and airy views the walls within one sits imprisoned - all that Wilhelm, makes me mute. i withdraw into myself and find a world!"

- the sorrows of young werther by johann wolfgang von goethe

sweet and tender hooligan

2008-05-05T02:13:00.003+08:00

fat chick acting cute. haha. somehow i prefer the nouvelle vague version over the original. i know its blasphemous but somehow the smiths lost this battle.

composing

2008-05-05T01:51:00.001+08:00

staff parade (a true event)

2008-05-05T00:14:00.003+08:00

summoned at an unearthly hour. 9 forlorn figures. there was something surreal about watching them wearily assembling. gathered as one but yet so evidently distinct. there was no round table but they were seated around. not on the same table though. the lights were turned off, or rather, nobody bothered turning them on. silhouettes of the knights cast by the floodlights outside. each one relishing the comfort darkness brings. of not needing to stare at displeased and indifferent countenances. most of all, it spared me of the formalities of being polite. at least i didn't need to pretend to be. for that one moment, everyone was honest. there were no conversations going on, merely the odd comment, countered by monosyllabic replies to the insignificant questions. each man immersed in his own thoughts, consumed by himself. at the same time, it felt as though the world was standing still and we were the only ones allowed to move. everything seemed so static and sombre but you could feel the electricity in the air. it was too tense and finally someone cracked. i watched the scene in slow motion as he got up from his chair and turned on the lights. immediately the atmosphere lightened up. excuse the pun. immediately, everyone had their masks on, with their fake smiles and idle chatter.

precisely why i prefer the darkness.

what's the point?

2008-05-05T00:13:00.001+08:00

the girl in the plaid shirt. she doesn't want to leave me alone.

the sorrows of young werther

2008-05-05T00:09:00.002+08:00

"oh, man is so transient that even where he is really certain of his existence, even where he makes the one true impression of his presence, in the memory, in the soul of his dear ones, even there must he disappear, be extinguished, and that so soon!"

- the sorrows of young werther by johann wolfgang von goethe

the sorrows of young werther

2008-05-04T01:42:00.002+08:00

"when i go out through the town gate, the way i took the first time to fetch Lotte for the dance, how completely different it was! everything, everything, has passed on! no hint of the previous world, no pulse-beat of my former feelings. i feel as a ghost must feel returning to a destroyed, burnt-out castle he had once built as a radiant prince, furnished with all the gifts of glory that, dying, he had, full of hope, bequeathed to his beloved son."

- the sorrows of young werther by johann wolfgang von goethe

the mary getaway (i lost everything)

2008-05-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

"the first time that I saw those eyes was the first time that i came undone, oh mary look what you’ve done to me.
i can’t forget this night, another left, another right.
how did i ever get away, the door was locked the key unmade.
out for the last time life ends here.
there is no next time, the gas is full; a vehicle that ends all fear."

umbrella

2008-04-19T13:23:00.000+08:00

crazy italians.

zomg

2008-04-19T03:30:00.002+08:00

i met my friend and he told me that he spent a day in school as a tranny. the reason? just to see how he'd look like as a girl. how awesome can you get? he showed me a picture and shit, he really looked like a chick. you won't catch me cross dressing. i think.

girl on queen street

2008-04-19T03:24:00.001+08:00

i just had to put this up. one of the best gigs i've ever been to.

indifference is king

2008-04-19T01:47:00.003+08:00

intended to write something about judging people. but i can never seem to convey what i mean to say. something along the lines of this:

the most honest and best way to judge a person's character is through first impressions. this is much easier if you're cynical and indifferent(by this i'm referring to you and not the person you're judging). because you don't know the subject you tend to be more alert towards all of the subject's actions and behaviour hence the first step is already there. this is then followed by an analysis of the subject's actions and motivation behind said action. there is no true selfless deed (i'll get to this point another time), but that's besides the point. anyway, you'll soon realise that the subject really is full of shit. that too was besides the point. back to track, this analysis has to be done in an objective manner and this is only possible through not knowing the subject.
no matter how much we might detest a particular habbit/behaviour a friend has, we always somehow justify the abovementioned trait because of the certain sense of affection and/or obligation that we have towards him/her, be it consciously or sub-consciously. this too is present when we try judge our enemies. there will always be that obligation to hate our enemies. hence, when judging friends/rivals we find ourselves being subjective no matter how hard we try not to. we always try to hide our friend's flaws with some other commendable trait that he displays. because this is so, the most honest analysis of a person's character/behaviour is only achievable at the first encounter, when we are indifferent and have no inclinations of feeling towards the subject. only then are we able to properly analyse. only then do we know who's worth interacting with and who's not.

maybe that's why i can never be bothered to make friends.

call me cynical/negative/whatever. i don't give a fuck cause i know for a fact that what i just tried to convey is true. you know it's true too. you have been enlightened.

i wish i understood spanish

2008-04-18T00:25:00.001+08:00

funniest shit i've seen in a long while.

too old

2008-04-17T23:25:00.001+08:00

20. shit.

mmf

2008-04-09T18:01:00.006+08:00

i've decided to contribute a rather significant portion of my measly pay to M.M.F. (my motorbike fund). i think its about time i start saving up for my bike since i plan to ride to school. i strongly encourage whoever is reading this to help by contributing to my fund. remember, you're helping contribute the gift of knowledge and joy to someone less fortunate.

back to my island.

random post #2

2008-04-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

the trial

2008-04-09T01:06:00.003+08:00

"he suddenly realised the futility of resistance. there was nothing heroic in resisting, in making things difficult for the men, in trying to put up a fight in order to enjoy a final glimmer of life. he decided to move, and some part of the pleasure this gave the men was transmitted back to him."

- the trial by franz kafka

resistance is never futile. conform and hate yourself.

running up that hill

2008-04-09T00:35:00.000+08:00

beautiful.

the trial

2008-04-05T01:56:00.002+08:00

" 'i saw those people in the waiting room,' K. said, 'their waiting seemed quite pointless to me.' 'there's nothing pointless about waiting,' the businessman said, 'the only thing that's pointless is independent action' "

- the trial by franz kafka

oreos for lunch please

2008-04-05T01:50:00.002+08:00

i dreamed of waffles. hot, tasty waffles with kaya. mmmm...... when i woke up it was time for lunch.

in a manner of speaking

2008-04-04T00:11:00.003+08:00

this is music. you're crazy if you don't click play and turn up the volume.

oreo fiend

2008-04-03T22:32:00.004+08:00

spamming oreos is an excellent way to curb my very frequent temptations to smoke. now i have to choose between dying from obesity related diseases and dying from smoking related diseases. how about both?

well i guess this is growing up

2008-04-03T20:23:00.002+08:00

i went to the skate park yesterday and the kids there referred to me as "uncle". wtf?!

my grandma the proletariat

2008-04-02T20:32:00.005+08:00

my grandma said this guy was ugly as fuck (ok i added the as fuck bit, but she still said he was ugly) and that the world would be better off without him. i don't think she's very pleased with the way he's trying to change his country for the better. she's also very proud that my cousin is a driver like most of my uncles were during their national service. carrying on the family legacy or some shit. working class pride. oi!

mercy

2008-04-02T02:44:00.001+08:00

been meaning to put this up for a long time. awesome song and video. step-up 2 just got pwned.

things to do when you're on off (oh wow that's an oxymoron!)

2008-04-02T02:29:00.004+08:00

to skate or to play guitar? fuck that shit, i'm going to play winning eleven on my xbox instead.

complicated

2008-04-02T01:42:00.003+08:00

was supposed to post my american beauty by plainsunset but i just saw this playing on mtv. so, since avril is hotter than jon chan, she gets her video posted. (actually i couldn't find the plainsunset video. really!)

lemon tree

2008-03-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

back to primary school.

the childhood of a leader

2008-03-26T00:03:00.003+08:00

" 'where i was seeking myself,' he thought, 'i could not find myself.' he had carried out, in good faith, a minute inventory of everything that he was. 'but if i were only to be what i am, i wouldn't be worth any more than that little yid.' if you rummaged around in those intimate mucous recesses, what could you ever discover if not for the sadness of the flesh, the foul lie of equality, disorder? 'first maxim,' said lucien, 'don't try to look into yourself; there can be no more dangerous mistake.' the real lucien - as he now knew - had to be sought in the eyes of others, "

- the childhood of a leader by jean-paul sartre

hmm..

2008-03-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

entschuldigen sie.

the answer is 42

2008-03-25T00:44:00.003+08:00

blasphemous thoughts. trying to figure out what to do with my life. or does it even matter what we do/accomplish in life? the end result is constant. we're dying and we don't even realise it. on the bright side death releases us from this bondage called life. frees us from a lot of shitty commitments. life is ephemeral. death is forever. is there really a life after death? was it a metaphor? or does death simply equate to extinction? think about it. let it enfold you.

reading will fuck you up. some questions are not meant to be asked. ignorance is bliss.

ian curtis

2008-03-25T00:26:00.003+08:00

"is this my fate?" i asked. alone and lost. someone make this feeling go away.

misc.

2008-03-17T23:44:00.004+08:00

in love or in love with love? wake up fool.

tell me what it's worth

2008-03-17T23:23:00.001+08:00

indie goodness. lightspeed champion!

the bedroom

2008-03-16T23:29:00.004+08:00

"she suddenly reflected, with a kind of pride, that she no longer had any place anywhere. 'normal people still think i'm one of them. but i couldn't remain for an hour among them. i need to live over there, on the other side of this wall. but over there, i'm not wanted.' "

- the bedroom by jean-paul sartre

hand in glove

2008-03-16T22:29:00.007+08:00

finished a pint of ben & jerry's chunky monkey in record time. now that's some tasty shit. constantly checking my phone for messages, every message alert sending a wave of anticipation which eventually ends in a crushing disappointment when i discover that it wasn't from you. if i were still a smoker i'd probably have finished smoking at least 3 packs of cigarettes by the end of the day(i know 3 packs isn't a lot but consider that my day begins at 2pm). tried to play my guitar for a while but ended up watching crappy talk shows about love on television. sad thing was that i actually found myself going "awwhhh.." with the rest of the audience. yes, wtf. i've gone soft. i shouldn't be left at home. i should just go tattoo a warning label on my ass: warning, not suitable for indoor use. i'm considering doing that. maybe on my back or something. i'm degenerating at home. someone take me out and keep me occupied. the mind is a dangerous thing to be left unattended. kill me before i kill myself.

silly lily

2008-03-16T21:03:00.002+08:00

if sum 41 were malaysian, they'd probably ~~sound~~ make a music video like this.

portrait of a summer thief

2008-03-15T00:14:00.002+08:00

"these summer stars are fading out
your silhouette reminds me now
off all the things i wish i could have said
so picturesque in black print dress
your darkened hair a perfect mess
i'd touch you if my hands could only try"

wow.

the patty hearst syndrome

2008-03-12T21:34:00.000+08:00

the widow

2008-03-08T18:38:00.002+08:00

"he's got fasting black lungs
made of clove splintered shards
they're the kind that will talk
through a wheezing of coughs"

drive

2008-03-08T02:39:00.003+08:00

they looked like bums when i watched them play live yesterday. brandon went from hot to hobo. doesn't really matter anyway cause they're still amazing. hobos with talent.

the fall

2008-03-08T02:07:00.002+08:00

"true debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. in it you possess only yourself; hence it remains the favourite pastime of the great lovers of their own person. it is a jungle without past or future, above all without any promise or any immediate penalty. the places where it is practiced are separated from the world. on entering, one leaves behind fear and hope. conversation is not obligatory there; what one comes for can be had without words, and often indeed without money."

- the fall by albert camus

so what?

2008-03-08T01:27:00.000+08:00

my heart was to thy rudder tied by the strings says:
so have you completely stopped
my heart was to thy rudder tied by the strings says:
or is this just a knee jerk reaction
antihero « say-oh-sin » says:

for around a month

antihero « say-oh-sin » says:
i miss smoking though

love songs for the emotionally wounded

2008-03-02T03:19:00.001+08:00

emo.

the fall

2008-03-02T02:24:00.003+08:00

"we rarely confide in those who are better than ourselves. rather we are more inclined to flee their society. most often, on the other hand, we confess to those who are like us and who share our weaknesses. hence we don't want to improve ourselves or be bettered, for we should first be bound to be judged in default. we merely wish to be pitied and encouraged in the course we have chosen. in short, we would like, at the same time, to cease being guilty and yet not to make the effort of cleansing ourselves. not enough cynicism and not enough virtue. we lack the energy required for evil as well as that required for good."

- the fall by albert camus

making waves

2008-03-02T01:40:00.002+08:00

wondering how i survived a cesspit/plainsunset gig without smoking. its hard not to smoke before/while/after moshing/fighting/skanking/body surfing (yea!!!)/having so much fun. hurray for second hand smoke. makes life slightly more bearable.

note to self: wear boots while moshing, insurance against punks and skinheads. also, never ever ever wear white. i'm still wondering how i got a shoeprint on my shorts. hmm....

date rape

2008-02-24T04:14:00.002+08:00

ska!

the fall

2008-02-24T02:20:00.003+08:00

"without thought for the morrow with women, without thought for the morrow in virtue or vice, each day for itself, just like dogs - but everyday myself secure at my post. thus i progressed on the surface of life, in the realm of words as it were, never in reality. all those books barely read, those friends barely loved, those cities barely visited, those women barely possessed! i went through the gestures out of boredom or absent-mindedness. then came human beings; they wanted to cling but there was nothing to cling to, and that was unfortunate. for them. as for me, i forgot. i never remembered anything but myself."

- the fall by albert camus

there seems to be an uncanny resemblance between me and jean-baptiste clamence.

gloria

2008-02-24T02:16:00.002+08:00

"hey sorrow where are you
tomorrow just won't be the same
without you here
i'll wish for shoulders bold and broad to bear
and strength to hold my head above them"
i know the sound quality is too sucky for anyone to make out what he's singing. but yeah, if you can't hear the lyrics, feel it then.

cold turkey kils

2008-02-24T01:28:00.002+08:00

now that smoking is out of the equation, i need something else to substitute it with. quitting is much harder than i thought. how can anyone not smoke while taking a long walk? while at a gig? or simply when its time to chill? but most importantly, during moments of instability? not smoking is driving me crazy. you have no idea how it feels like when your only way of getting through life is taken away from you. there's an enormous void in my coping mechanism now. everyday pressure compounding on my already fragile state of mind. something feels very, very wrong. ironic isn't it that what was killing me physically was actually my mind's saving grace. my body finally told me to stop poisoning myself but now my mind has deteriorated to such a sorry state that i can hardly think straight. my body for my mind or my sanity for my health. right now seeing myself cough out blood again doesn't seem as scary as it did a week a go. in fact in might be the only way to keep me from doing something even more drastic. cold turkey kills. its only been a week but i don't know if i can last. i feel forsaken by everyone. they mistake my forlorn visage as one of confidence and strength. nobody knows me. i don't know me. i don't know what i'm trying to say. i need a cigarette. i need to stop. why?

the fall

2008-02-24T01:22:00.002+08:00

"i simply felt released in my relations with everyone else for the excellent reason that i recognised no equals. i always considered myself more intelligent than anyone else, as i've told you, but also more sensitive and more skillful.... i found nothing but superiorities in myself and this explained my goodwill and serenity. when i was concerned with others, it was out of pure condescension, in utter freedom, and all the credit went to me: my self-esteem would go up a degree"

- the fall by albert camus

beware of me. be very wary.

i'm a loner dottie, a rebel

2008-02-16T18:24:00.004+08:00

"if i go it's not impossible,
but possible is probably wrong.
so, let go because i'm afraid to try.
i'll keep my hands by my side.
i won't come back.
i hope someday you'll understand.
i want to try and make it right,
but I don't know if i can."
live performance by the get up kids on 1997. old is gold.

the confessions of max tivoli

2008-02-16T17:07:00.003+08:00

"i worshipped her, tim. she was like no one you will ever meet. strong, independent. i never took her for granted for a moment, or pretended i understood her, and when she wanted to go i let her go, because she was art and she was music."

"i was home. finally, home. and the sad, the hopelessly sweet and sad part of it was that in knowing this, i would always be alone."

- the confessions of max tivoli by andrew sean greer

so i said

2008-02-16T01:35:00.004+08:00

coughing out dry blood. haven't been able to swallow anything now for almost a month but i don't think that matters. i need to lose weight anyway. apparently i have to stop smoking or risk fucking up my throat for good. or so it goes. well, there's only one way to find out if its true. i don't plan on finding out.

remember to feel real

2008-02-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

someone break my heart please. it feels weird not to feel. i can't write anymore. i have to resort to quoting from books. totally unoriginal. i need somebody to reach out to me, only to withdraw her hand at the last second. then i can feel.

the confessions of max tivoli

2008-02-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

"it takes too much imagination to see the sorrows of people we take for happy. their real battles take place, like those of the stars, in some realm of light imperceptible to the human eye. it is a feat of the mind to guess another's heart"

"she could never link her life to mine; i could not even hope to have her as a friend; but it was not enough just to see her and know that so little had changed. despite all their fears, we ask very little of the ones who never loved us. we do not ask for sympathy or pain or compassion. we simply want to know why."

- the confessions of max tivoli by andrew sean greer

i need something

2008-02-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

"i need something to believe in
cause i don’t believe in my self

i'm sick and tired of getting no where
guess it’ll all work out

and i don’t mind any more"

this guy is good.

alright

2008-02-03T14:13:00.000+08:00

more happy music :)

the confessions of max tivoli

2008-02-03T14:06:00.000+08:00

"i would like to call it fate, but i should call it chance, that put you in my yard at the time my heart was at its most tender. i suppose i'm lucky it was you and not someone crueler. still, if it had been anyone but you, alice, i would have loved again, and plenty, before this ripe age. cursed by your eyes, however, i never have."

- the confessions of max tivoli by andrew sean greer

the yeah yeah yeah song

2008-02-03T13:48:00.000+08:00

happy music :)

leak

2008-02-01T23:38:00.000+08:00

sick for the past 2 weeks. high fever for the past 3 days. outfield for the past 6 days. no such thing as falling out in my position. all for my trainees. suffer in silence, please endure and carry on. proposed promotion canceled. or put on hold as they phrased it. or whatever. all because there were too many people being sent for the same course. jacked one week before i was supposed to go. fuck them. all i did when they announced this was smile. i knew the initial announcement was too good to be true. i knew it was coming. once again i am pushed aside and left to rust. rewarding my arse.

at least now i get to see my guys pass out of bmt. thats some consolation i suppose.

a better place, a better time

2008-01-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

"and when you wake up
everything is going to be fine
i guarantee that you wake up in a better place
and in a better time
so you're tired of living
and you feel like you might give in
well don't
it's not your time"
i want to be in a ska band!

smokers outside the hospital doors

2008-01-20T04:35:00.000+08:00

because i was bored

2008-01-20T02:54:00.000+08:00

a q&a session with nurudin by the antihero. interviewee is casually dressed in a pair of boxer shorts and thats pretty much all he's wearing really. questions are in bold.

a: how are you doing?
n: same shit different day. (shrugs shoulders)
a: hmm... ok then, i heard you're a sergeant in bmt now. how is life there?
n: its alright. i'd rather not talk about it.
a: ok then, lets move on to another topic. what's the last cd you bought?
n: lovesongsfortheemotionallywounded by plainsunset. its the re-release of their best album with a couple of bonus tracks. pretty sweet.
a: i see, i assume you're a fan of local music then.
n: fo'shizzle-nizzle. it means for sure in hip-hop language/slang/whatever you call it. i'm a big, big fan of local music.
a: i learn something new everyday. last book read? and i mean completely.
n: water from the sun/discovering japan by brett easton ellis. its pretty much just two short stories. so i don't think it counts. i guess my answer will have to be the plague by albert camus
then. i'm too lazy to read really.
a: last song played on your ipod?
n: apology by alesana.
a: last proper meal?
n: friday's lunch/dinner (linner?). i think it was fish and chips. and a packet of vitasoy. mmmmm, vitasoy..... best drink ever! anyway, that was like 2 days ago.
a: moving on, do you still skateboard then? are you planning on turning pro any time soon?
n: when i have the time yes. and yes, as soon as cows start flying which i expect to see soon enough. (looks out the window with eager anticipation)
a: ok... lets move on to your personal life then. is it true that you are still single? and if so why?
n: yes its true. fuck knows really. maybe cause i never bothered? most girls bore me anyway so i don't see the point of getting attached just for the sake of it. the girls i ever liked either hate me or treat me as a friend so yea. either that or its just because im too fat. or ugly. so fuck it.
a: so you did like someone then? recently i mean.
n: yes. she doesn't know it though. and yea i did like her, as a person. not the lust kind of like. too bad.
a: also, is it true that you are gay?
n: hmm... what do you think?
a: i really don't know what to think so i'll just move on. do you drink or smoke?
n: drinking is bad for one's health. and so is smoking. i work out at the gym almost daily. i lead a healthy lifestyle.
a: you're not answering the question, do you?
n: no comment. let's move on to the next question shall we?
a: why are you so depressed all the time?
n: i'm not depressed all the time. sometimes i'm indifferent. sometimes i'm angsty. see, i'm not depressed all the time.
a: it has been observed that you display some forms of antisocial behaviour. any comments?
n: yes. very much so. i also try to kill myself sometimes. its fun.
a: i see, do you have any plans for the future? do you think you have a future?
n: yes i do in fact. right now its to get to uni, get my motorbike license, a motorbike and have more fun. maybe form a ska/punk band or something too.
a: the future looks bright for you then. i think that's about all the time we have for now. any last words?
n: hmm.... shit?.
a: thanks alot.
n: no worries man.

wires

2008-01-20T02:35:00.000+08:00

hope.